barkada(wla ako nun???!!)

Worst feeling in the world is knowing that you already did your best but it’s still not good enough

 

Sa sobrang bigat ng aking nararamdaman…para nakong bumubuhat ng isang kaban.  

di ko alam kong bakit ko ito nararamdaman…siguro sadyang masakit lang.

sakit,naumabot sa puntong ako na’y manhid-manhidan,

na minsa’y di ko namamalayang marami na pala akong luhang kailangan mapahidan.  

dahil sa sakit na dulot ng kanilang pinararamdam.

Di ko alam kong bakit ganito ang aking nararamdaman.

bakit ganito ang aking nararamdaman?anu ba ang pinag mulan ?

isa na naman ba itong kalukohan?o sadyang totoo o lang?

“tayo ay pamilya”,yan ang sabi niyo,kaya pinaniwalaan ko ito. 

mula eskwelahan,hanggang sa galaan,di tayo nag-iiwanan. 

dahil tayo ay barkada na pamilya ang turingan,at pinangakong ito’y magpakailanman. 

saksi ang langit at buwan sa ating mga pinagdaan.  

mahirap man ito o hindi,masaya man o may kalungkutan, 

 

tayo ay nanatiling buo na may katatagan.

di uso sa atin ang pagababgo,dahil sabi niyo “tayo ay barkadang totoo”.

na dumating sa puntong lahat ng katagang iyon ay kinapitan ko.

ngunit ng lumipas ang araw at buwan,nawala ang mga katagang binitawan,

nagkaroon kayo ng mga bagong kakilala at kaibigan,

nakakatawang isipin na kayo ay sama-sama parin,pero may hindi kayo namalayan,

at yun ay yung ako ay inyong naiwan.

 kasabay ng inyong pagbitaw sa sinasabi niyong

 “barkadahang  walang iwanan,pamilya ang turingan”

kasabay ng pagbuo niyo ng bago niyong barkada,

kasabay nito ang pagkawasak ng damdamin kong umaasa,

na sana maibalik yung dati,na tayo ay sama-sama,

ok lang kung madadagdagan pa,basta wala lang maiiwan kahit isa.

pero mistulang kayo na ay nag iba,minsan ay nabalitaan kong kayo pa ang nangunguna, 

sa paghusga sa akin ng mga bagay na di ko akalain na sa inyo pa manggagaling,

pero mistulang kayo nga ay magaling,sinubukan niyo pa akong plastikin,

na akala niyo’y di makakarating sa akin,na minsan ay ako na mismo ang nakasaksi,

rinig ng dalawa kong taynga,at nakita ng dalawa kong mata,

na inyong sinasabing ako’y isang sinungaling at walang kwenta.

ngunit sa lahat ng nangyari di ako bumitaw,ginampanan ko parin ang aking gampanin,

naging mabuting kaibigan,kahit na alam ko’y ako’y inyong paplastikin,

ngunit di ang mga yun ang humadlang sakin,

para itigil ko ang aking tungkulin,

minsan na nga ay nagtatanung ang iba,

bakit daw ako’y nagpapakatanga pa?,

eh marami naman daw pwedeng maging kaibigang iba,

isa lang ang masasabi ko sa kanila,

at yun ay yung,”ok na maging tanga,

alam nio kung bakit kasi maski ako di ko alam kung makakahanap pako ng iba”

eh ang tingin ng mga tao sakin ay iba,in na way na hindi maganda yung pagka iba.

pasensya tao lang ako,kayumanggi ang kulay ng balat,

samantalang ang ipinalit nila sa akin ay mukhang dyosa dahil sa kulay ng balat,

anu ba ang pangtama ko sa iba?eh ang itsura ko ay mukhang sisa,

samantalang sila isang prinsesa,kulay na porselana,mukhang maganda.  

at ng dumating ang araw,na naawa na ako sa aking sarili,

lumapit ako sa inyo upang sana’y sabihin,na sana’y ako naman ay inyong isali,

sa bago niyong barkada na napili,

ako ay inyong tinaggap,ngunit pakiramdam ko’y mabigat ,

tila ako’y di welcome sa inyong pangkat,

sinubukan kong makisama at dumating pa sa point na di ko nakilala ang aking sarli,

ginawa ang mga bagay na sa inyo’y makakabuti,

kung kayo ba ay sasaya o hindi,

ng panahong ako naman ang masaya tila kayo ay biglang nag-iiba,

lumulungkot kayo na tila parang biyernesanto na,

kaya ako ay nagparaya,gumawa ng bagay na makakapagpasaya sa inyo,

kahit na ito’y magiging kalungkutan ko at kahit pa ikapahamak ko. 

kasi mahal ko kayo,ngunit hanggang kailan ako ganito? 

hanggang kailan ako aasa sa inyo, 

hanggang kailan ko makakaya na gawin ang bagay na magpapasaya sa inyo, 

ngunit ako’y di naman masaya sa mga ito. 

wala akong karapatan na kayo ay sisihin, 

dahil una palang di niyo naman sinabi saakin, 

na gawin ang mga bagay na iyon,para sa inyo, 

ngunit nakakainis kasi bakit ang manhid-manhid niyo? 

di niyo ba alam na sa bawat pagtawa niyo,iyon ang pagluha ko. 

na sa bawat araw na masaya kayo na hindi ako kasama, 

pakiramdam ko ba na parang wala akong kwenta, 

kasi pag ako ang inyong kasama tila di niyo ko gustong makasama, 

lumulungkot ang mukha,ngiti ay nawawala, 

ganun ba ko kasamang kaibigan? 

kaibigan?kaibigan?yun ang tawag ko sa inyo pero parang sa inyo wala lang ako. 

masakit isipin ngunit totoo,na kahit kailan di ko naman talaga naramdaman na ako ay kabilang, 

sa tinatawag niyong kaibigan,dahil pag kayo aking kasama, 

iba ang aking nadarama,at yun isang hangin lang akong sa inyo ay nasama. 

kaya ng minsan ako ay nag-isip-isip, 

kailangan ko muna sigurong bumitaw,at baka sakaling inyong maisip, 

na ako’y naiwan niyo sa ere na nakasabit, 

kaya ngaun ako ay kung saan saang kakilala nalang sumasama, 

tinitignan kung baka sakaling sakanila ako dapat sumama,

 ngunit  di ko talaga manahap kong saan at sino talaga ang mga dapat kong kasama, 

o sadyang ako’y nakatadhana ng mag-isa, 

na walang kabarda,walang karama’y sa mga problema, 

liban sa pamilya,liban sa sarili, 

ako nga siguro ay nakatadhana ng mag-isa, 

mag-isa at walang kabarkada.

THOSE DAYS!!!!#I need sOMeonE

In life people has someone to lean on to,like a friend,bestfriend,partner and many more,sometimes we call or we have a special name to call them like; bes,bestie,beshie,friend,love,yhatz,moo,yam,bro,dude,tol,pre and so much more,there are different people,relationships,status and situation,but as we go thru to our lives we have someone to look up and count on to,if there is someone. 

 

My life?in my status now I know no matter what happen I have my family and I am purely and truly contented with that,but if I have someone except my family,it will give my life much meaning.Childhood days of me was not that eventful and exciting,it’s more of suffering and struggling for me and for the people around me,it’s the time when I have to fought for my life and for the people around me specially for my family,I have to be strong,for me to live,so I have to do what the doctor said,like;I have to be inside our house everytime and every second of my life when I was a kid,I experience celebrating my birthday inside the hospital we’re my guests are my co-patients,nurses,doctors and my family only them,and sometimes we are able to stay in my doctor’s clinic for me to undergo and run some test,so we’re not able to go home,so my house when I was young was the hospital and my doctor’s clinic.When I reached the age of 7,and I was in grade 2 that time,my Pulmonary Infection(it’s a lung disease)went very crucial and my asthma,heart complication,allergies and anemia also strike so I have to stop 2 months of studying and tends to just rest and stay our home( completely bed rest)and there is a time when I collapsed and look that I have no life anymore,but GOD is good he allowed me to live and enjoy the life he gave me but the 2 months turns to 3 months because I have to run and undergo some test,that time I realized that is there is someone with me/Is there is someone care for me?except my family.and those questions live with me until now,I’m already in my highschool life,and still those questions hunts me,because I dont think I have friends,true friends because some people tends to plastic one other and I undestand why they do that kind of thing cause it’s life and you have to be plastic sometimes so you can’t hurt other’s feelings but it’s still not healthy to be a plastic all the time,I admit sometimes I’m a plastic but I know how to used it,I used it to the people who are able to plastic me,and the sad thing is some of my friends turned out in that kind,so I don’t know yet if I have friends,true friends actually;

If there is someone  

Can someone accept me?Be with me,as million of people turned out choose to be away from me?Can stand with me,stay with me.Is there someone?Who can ride my deep random thoughts.Even in my corny jokes?Can slay away dragons,just to be with me.Can someone?

First blog post

“be miserable or motivated;whatever it has to be done it is always you’re choice”

I’ve created this blog for some reasons and here they are

  • I just love writting.
  • I want to share some things with you guys that I can’t even share with others.
  • Because of the random things that is running in my head .

So hi guys!!! I am a girl with a lots of deep thoughts in my head that I want to share with you.I’m Julie Anne Vicencio Delos Reyes,14 years old,I currently live with my family here in Talavera,Nueva Ecija,I have 2 sisi and only brother here they are;

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my tatay and me
nanay
nanay and me
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my older sister and her husband
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my younger sister
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my only brother 

 

My favorites and we’re am I addicted to;

  • blue and yellow
  • sinigang na bangus sa ulam lng yan 
  • I do love coffee and I’m addicted to it
  • I love spongebob squarepants
  • I do love watching sweet flicks movies
  • I’m a Ice Cream addict but i don’t want ube flavor and i donno why
  • I love watching Disney movies
  • I’m addicted to photography
  • my fav.song is sway by bic runga but my playlist wont stop why?I just love music 
  • my fav.band was Coldplay they’re always touch my heart even my soul hehheheh
  • my dream place to travel to is New York City, I just love the Central Park and the Time Square 
  • my fav.movie was all of the books written by Mr.Nicholas Sparks and translated to a movie 
  • I do love browsing social media accounts of mine I think it’s my life thou
  • I like reading books fiction books actually
  • I am one of the  Jonaxx lovers they call it JSL,wattpaders knows it
  • my fav.artists and loveteams are  ALDUB and KATHNIEL
  • I do love rain

my dislikes

  • I don’t want my feet to be dirty you can call m arte but I swear I just can stand long if my feet is dirty
  • I hate annoying ,hnd naman ung makulit ayoko lang ng paulit ulit 
  • I do not want plastic peoples,who act like they are perfect even if they’re not

I am now at my grade 9 year in junior high,in Talavera National Highschool,here in our province.I belong to the 1st section that I don’t think if I deserved it,I just don’t have the guts,and what a world,I am the #President(na hnd ko na uulitin)of our class and I don’t think I am an effective one,running for honor(just want to prove to myself something and for my parents to be proud),if you guys tend to know what is my dream my answer is I actually don’t know what I want to be in my life,my dream job was to be a FLIGHT ATTENDANT but I don’t think if it was meant for me(pano ba nmn ang panget ko kaya,maitim,matangkad nmn,d nmn aq matalino and I don’t have any guts or talent) ,so I’m just waiting what future leads me and just go with the flow,thats it.